Busy busy busy

I haven't forgotten you dear memoir. I've just been busy documenting everything about my human. After arriving I had to adapt to my new routine and tank. I think I have the hang of things now. She wakes up and gets ready for the work. This is perfect because once she is gone I can go about my business in private. Swim a few laps, have a peaceful nap ALONE (do you know how freaky it is to have someone hover over you while you are trying to sleep? Or to wake up to a gigantic teeth grinning human? Terrifying!). I even redecorate sometimes. My blue plant is my absolute favorite, and I make sure I play in it at least a few times a day.

While she is away at the work, sometimes the Lola dog thing sleeps in her bed. I've gotten to know her, and she has been very useful to me in gathering information. Did you know there are many other types of dog things out there? And some other species called cats. Another animal which Lola has taught me about are these evil creatures called squirrels. So many different types of animals, but the human has to be the most fascinating one.

They talk, and yet they do not mean what they say. I can tell sometimes humans feel one thing, but say the opposite. I wonder why they do that? And so many feelings! I only have hungry and more hungry, but humans are more complicated than that. It boggles my mind that they feel "full", and won't eat what is in front of them. Strange, strange creatures.

Arrival Part 2

 Once I was out of my bag and into my bucket, the thing that is called Dog greeted me. Like this.

She was more interested on if I had some sort of processed cheese treat than to have an intelligent conversation. I soon found out through my human slave person that her name is Lola. She is an “old girl.” I can tell human is very bonded to this Lola. She even picks her up and lets her sleep in her rest palace (which I have found is called “bed”). I’m not quite sure why she has such adoration for this canine, who doesn’t seem to do much. Lola does however follow her around, listening to conversations. She can go where my water limitation cannot. Hm… on second thought, she may be of great use to me. She has been with human for close to 10 years now. She must know secrets and how things work. She can make human take her outside, give her food or treats… Such manipulation must take at least some type of brain activity. Perhaps she could be my new ally. 

Anyways, after the encounter with the Lola, I'm feeling pretty tired. I'm pretty comfortable in my bucket, but it was time to go into my study/lab. Human calls this my "tank". I decided I would go and explore, and then there was a sudden flash!

She had taken my picture. As you can see, I'm a little caught off guard in this one. She took a few more. Understandably so. I mean look how handsome I am.

Soon Human had to go to work, so I was free to do as I pleased.  A well needed nap was my chosen course. It was a long trip, but now, I'm home.

Arrival

I have made it safely to my lab/study. I'm still unpacking and getting used to things around here. It was quite the bumpy trip. I was not pleased with how I was handled. Do all humans not understand the word fragile? And how complicated is "this side up".

Once the big truck stopped, I knew I had arrived. I could feel my human slave person's excitement. When the lady handed me over, she told my human this is how they received the package at the airport and she probably wouldn't be happy with what was inside. Can you imagine that? I think the person must have been off her rocker! Not be happy... How silly.

There was movement and I could feel fear and worry in my human. She ripped open the package so fast but delicately. When she found me, in between my icepacks that kept me safe and happy, she yelled "he's alive!" really loudly. She sounded so relieved. Then she stared at me and gave me the biggest smile on the planet. It was kind of terrifying. She's got lots of those big teethy things. I guess that meant she was happy to see me. I was just happy to be out of my baggie and get some food.

Speaking of food... that sounds like a good idea. I must recharge my energy so I can continue my writing from my first day! Bloodworms! My favorite!

Leaving

I am officially en route to my destination. I'm feeling pretty excited, and nauseous... and slightly sad. I will miss caretaker and her mini human. They took very good care of me, I'll miss the little one's smile. Not that I would admit this to anyone. I am a genius after all! I don't need feelings, I have intelligence!

Through this "facebook" that I mentioned in my last post, I have found out my human slave person has a mate. He may be the one to greet me tomorrow when I arrive, so I have prepared a list of instructions for him.

Professor Soapy Gumsalot’s Instruction Guide

1. Open the door and sign for me.

2. Bring me upstairs in my new room.

3. Open me up.  I’ve been in this box for like a day now. I don’t have eyelids, so if you could avoid flash photography that would be appreciated.

4. Send a text/picture message to my human slave person (who calls herself mommy. She’s worried about my flight.) Wait about half an hour so that I’m used to the room's temperature.

5. Keep me in my bag/water bottle but place me gently (seriously dude, gently. I don’t like strong water flows. I’ll drop my gills and morph!)  in the bucket. After about 20 – 30 minutes, open the bag and let the water out to mix with the bucket water. I’ll swim out when I’m ready.

6. Observe and be amazed by my sheer brilliance and handsomeness.

7. After about 30 minutes of that, you can add some more tank water to my bucket. Use the container that was left out. Do it slowly. Again, I don’t like water currents. I’ll appreciate the extra swimming space.

8. I’m kinda starved from my long trip, so some bloodworms would be awesome. Depending on what time of day I get there, human slave will do this. She has a “work lunch break”, so I am assuming this means working to bring me a delicious lunch.

9. If the thing that is called Dog wants to smell my delicious aroma that is ok, but don’t let her drink my home.

Gills crossed that I arrive safely.

Complications

It seems that booking a flight isn't as easy as I had anticipated. The recent postal strike really put a damper on my travel plans. And wouldn't you know it, the sun has been all shiny and warm. Showoff. I can't travel in such heat!

Despite these setbacks, I am remaining optimistic. Caretaker as I call her is gone on what she calls "vacation". This concept confuses me, but it gives me a chance to get online and do some research on my human slave person. Apparently there is this gigantic book with faces on it that details all of everyone's personal lives! Can you imagine? I shall seek out this "facebook" as I call it, and learn what I can about her, and the thing that is the dog.

Yes, this facebook will be of great use to me...

Growing

My back legs have now grown in. I can move so much easier and more freely now. I have been separated from my siblings as they have reached their cannibalistic stage and am now living alone until it is time for me to leave. I have packed my bags, it won't be long now.

I have been doing research on my human slave person. She has a thing that is called a dog. It lives on land and is covered in hair. What an odd creature. I will try to make contact with this "dog", I wonder if it speaks English? So many questions... it may be of great value to me. If all goes as planed, I will be writing you from the airplane in my next post.

Welcome

Oh hai!

Welcome to my blog. The name's Professor Soapy Gumsalot. But you can just call me Professor. Or Soapy. Or Gumsy. Anything really, except a fish. Let's get this correct from the start. I am an axolotl. Not a fish, not a lizard, not a pokemon. Axolotl.

Right now, I am only beginning my mission. I a little over a month old, and still stuck with my brothers and sisters in a small container. I've started to grow my back legs and pretty soon, I will leave this place and fly across the country to where my secret lab is held.

You see, I have decided that my life's mission is to learn more about these human people folk. They are always looking in the tank, observing us. Little do they know that I, the Professor, am observing back. I may look cute and silly in my permanent neotenic state but it is all an act! So far, my future human slave person has fallen for it. And she will continue to be fooled! A silly antic here, a cute smile there... she will never know. But you, my trusty readers know the truth!

This is my biography, research, memoir...what have you. Follow along, it will be an adventure!